Blended families are a common feature in modern society, with data compiled by the Pew Research Center in 2015 estimating that around 16 percent of children in the U.S. were living in a household with either a stepparent, stepsibling or half-sibling.
That proportion has remained steady since the early 1990s, when previous figures put the proportion at around 15 percent. But while it appears plenty of families make these arrangements work, cracks are starting to appear for one woman after her young adult son asked for help.
Writing in a Mumsnet post under the handle jopejob511, she explained her 19-year-old son has been studying at university, but has been “struggling” lately.
A few days ago, he called her up “crying saying he wants to come home.” The call coincided with the 12-year anniversary of his father’s death, which his mom said “hit him hard.”
The plan was for him to return home and stay in his old room. While he was away, his mom’s 12-year-old stepdaughter had been staying there as she no longer wanted to “share with her sister.”
They only visit “every other week” though, so the mom assumed it would be fine for her to share with her sibling once her son returned.
However, her partner accused her of being unreasonable in expecting this and told her that her son is “almost 20” and “if he can’t cope in uni he should find somewhere else to stay,” like “a hotel.”
It was a response that left the mom shocked and saddened. “I don’t expect him to do that as this is his home,” she explained.
Commenting on the post, blended family expert Ron Deal told Newsweek: “Regardless of who owns the house, this mom’s son should have a place in the home. Yes, it’s inconvenient for the 12-year old to move out of the room, but if the girl’s father had any compassion he would gladly make the adjustment happen.”
He continued: “The fact that he’s unwilling – and insensitive to the ongoing grief the young man is displaying – tells me he doesn’t have much of an attachment bond with the stepson and doesn’t think he belongs there. Ultimately this will impact the couple because his lack of connection and closed posture to the son’s pain will immediately impact the mother’s trust in her partner.”
‘Time and Effort’
Deal concluded: “Resolving the inherent ambiguity of stepfamily relationships takes time and intentional effort. It also helps tremendously when parents and stepparents understand the dynamics at play in their home so as to not take them personally and allow jealousy and possessiveness to divide them even further.”
His sentiments were echoed by many commenting on social media, who were quick to hit out at the stepdad over his response.
Lunar1 wrote: “Absolutely nobody would be making my children unwelcome in the family home, and in your circumstances my partner would very quickly be an ex if he tried this.” SandyY2K was similarly stunned, writing: “So, your son is struggling and his response is that he should go to a hotel… and be on his own?”
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz added: “He is in crisis and needs support. I’d bet he wouldn’t do the same for his daughters.” TheInebriati, meanwhile, concluded: “I’d find it hard to get past that level of cruelty aimed at my child.”
Newsweek wasn’t able to verify the details of the case.
